Mothers & Daughters > AIDS

Representing three generations of their family, these women joined Greater Than AIDS to spread the message that open conversation is essential to end the HIV epidemic. From left to right, meet Opal, her oldest daughter Shola, Grandma Catherine and youngest daughter Teju.

Though they live in St.Croix, New York, California, and Connecticut, this photo was taken during a holiday break when the family was together in Oakland. The shot is featured in the June 2010 issue of ESSENCE and is posted on sixty-two billboards nationwide.

Opal signed on to Greater Than AIDS, because she feels it is important for parents to talk openly about sex in order to counterbalance the sexual imagery children see all around them. At the dinner table or in the car on the way to soccer, she would talk with her kids about sexual health. She might say something like, “I think girl losing her virginity should be a planned thing. She should decide the setting and have control.” Opal and her own mother didn’t talk about sex when she was young. “She didn’t have the language. So, I was determined to talk with my kids.”

Because families often avoid the subject, Opal worries that a lot of girls don’t know how to say no. They are not taught that they have a right to protect themselves. “I want women to be safe and have ownership of their bodies. So, let’s all have the conversation. And, keep each other safe.”

Opal’s strategy has worked. Her young adult daughters take sexual health very seriously. Teju (wearing the hoodie) spent two years in high school working as a peer educator and talks “all the time” with her friends about staying safe. She is very aware of how challenging it is to change behavior. “I go to one of the most liberal colleges. We have sex symposiums, sexual health interns, condoms in every building and bathroom. ‘Be Free and Be Safe’…that’s the general message.” Still, students test positive for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s).

In her mid-twenties and actively dating, her sister Shola says, “I know that Black women are particularly affected by STI’s. It totally freaks me out.” In the difficult moment of asking a new partner to get tested with her, she tells herself, “five minutes of awkward conversation is better than becoming infected. If a guy won’t do this with me to make sure I’m comfortable, he’s not the right one for me.” Imagining what it would feel like to get a positive result, she says, “No one is hot enough to make that worth it. You really just have to value yourself.”

The roots of all this responsible thinking may be in the value Grandma Catherine places on education. An octogenarian Jamaican, Catherine has been “going and coming” from Jamaica since 1969. She first moved so that her daughters could to go to university, which was more affordable in the U.S. “I wanted them to have what I didn’t.” She worked hard. Saved. And believed that if you have an education, you can achieve anything. The achievements of her offspring are testament to her truth.

Times have changed since Catherine learned about sex. “Until age 19, I didn’t know how you got pregnant. My husband explained it to me after we were married.” Now, it’s all on the TV. Still, young people think ‘it can’t happen to me’. Catherine prays and hopes they’ll be careful.

These women all know that new cases of HIV are often among Black women. They believe it is important to be open about what’s going on. As Shola says, “We’re all affected. Not participating in what is affecting us is detrimental to our whole community. Let’s talk.”

This family is Greater Than AIDS. Is yours?

Read about Opal’s writing and other work at http://www.opalpalmeradisa.com/